Forgiveness After a Bipolar Diagnosis: My Healing Story Begins Here

When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar II and depression, I felt broken. Not just because of the label but because I spent years misunderstanding myself—and letting others misunderstand me too. It was only later, in the quiet moments of deep grief, that I realized: the hardest person to forgive was me. Yes, this is a story about forgiveness, but not in the way you might expect.

This is the beginning of my journey to forgiving my past self, grieving the life I thought I’d have, and slowly piecing together a softer, more honest version of who I am.

When the Diagnosis Shook Everything

Getting the news that you have Bipolar II isn’t like flipping a switch. It’s more like the slow crashing of waves—first confusion, then shame, then a kind of aching grief you can’t quite name.

Before the diagnosis, I wasn’t just struggling—I was surviving. The unpredictable mood swings, the weeks of low energy, the spirals of guilt after every impulsive choice… I thought it was all my fault.

“Why can’t I just be normal?”

“Why do I keep ruining good things?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

When I finally sat in front of a psychiatrist and heard the words “Bipolar II with major depressive episodes,” I should’ve felt relief. I wasn’t imagining it. There was a name for what I’d been going through. But instead, I felt deep, raw grief.

Grieving the Version of Me I Used to Pretend To Be

There’s a strange kind of grief that comes after a mental health diagnosis. It’s not about death—it’s about letting go of the illusion that you were ever fine.

I grieved:

• The “happy-go-lucky” version of me, I pretended to be
• The relationships I sabotaged during hypomanic highs
• The jobs I couldn’t keep
• The energy I didn’t have but forced myself to fake

But mostly, I grieved the girl who thought she had to earn love by pretending to be okay.  That grief didn’t come all at once. It crept in at 2 AM, panic attacks, in photos from years I barely remembered, in text threads I couldn’t bear to reread.

And that’s when I realized something painful but true: I was holding a lot of unforgiveness towards myself.

Why Forgiving Myself Was So Hard

Forgiveness is easy to say, but so hard to live. Especially when your brain is the thing you’re angry at.

I blamed myself for:

• Hurting people when I was unwell
• Not asking for help sooner
• Being “too much”, or “too sad”, or “too unstable”
• Not being the daughter, friend, or partner others expected me to be

And deep down, I thought maybe I didn’t deserve forgiveness. Maybe I had already messed everything up beyond repair.

But then one day, I heard this quote:

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.”

— Oprah Winfrey

It hit me like a wave. I couldn’t change what I didn’t know. But I could change how I treated myself moving forward.

The First Step: Choosing Forgiveness Every Day

Healing didn’t happen overnight. I didn’t wake up one morning and say, “Okay, I forgive myself. All better!”

Instead, it looked like this:

1. Acknowledging the pain.  Saying out loud: Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I was unwell. Both things can be true.
2. Accepting the diagnosis. Not as a punishment, but as a lens to understand my story more clearly.
3. Letting go of shame. I started telling people the truth–I have Bipolar II. I’m learning to live with it.
4. Setting gentle boundaries. Especially with people who didn’t understand, or who made me feel “less than.”
5. Speaking kindly to myself. Replacing “ You ruined everything” with “You did your best with what you knew then.”

What Forgiveness Looks Like in Real Life

Here are some of the small but powerful ways I practice forgiveness in my daily life:

• Writing letters I never send. To myself, to old friends, to the version of me who was just trying to survive
• Keeping a “healing” journal. Where I write, every time I choose grace over guilt
• Celebrating tiny wins. Like showing up to therapy, getting out of bed, or recognizing when I need rest
• Pausing before spiraling. Learning that self-awareness is a form of self-love.

It’s not perfect. Some days I still cry over things I can’t change. But more and more, I’m realizing:

You don’t have to be fully healed to be worthy of love.

Do You Struggle to Forgive Yourself Too?

If this resonates with you—if you’ve been diagnosed, or you’ve gone through your mental health journey—ask yourself:

• What am I grieving?
• What guilt am I still carrying?
• If I could speak to my past self, what would I say?

You might be surprised how healing it is just to acknowledge your truth.

Key Lessons I’m Still Learning

• Forgiveness is not linear. Some days you’ll feel strong. Some days you’ll slip. Both are okay.
• Grief and gratitude can coexist. You can mourn your old life while being thankful for the clarity you have now.
• You are not your diagnosis. It explains some things—it doesn’t define you.
• Healing is allowed to be messy. You don’t need to have it all figured out to move forward.

From Grief to Grace: You’re Not Alone

When I look back now, I see a scared girl who needed understanding, not shame. And while the world still has a long way to go in understanding mental illness, we can start by giving ourselves what we always needed:

Kindness. Space. Patience. Forgiveness.

Looking Ahead: Part 2 Is Coming Soon

This is just the beginning. In Part 2 of the Healing Story Series, we’ll explore how self-forgiveness deepens through support systems, healthy routines, and building emotional safety. We’ll talk about what it’s like to live with Bipolar II, not just survive it, and how to stop apologizing for being human.

Because the next chapter of healing isn’t about pretending everything is fine—It’s about finding peace in the truth.

Your Turn: What Do You Need to Forgive Yourself For?

Drop a comment. Send a message. Write it down, even if it’s just for your eyes only.

You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.

Quick Recap: Healing Through Forgiveness

• A diagnosis can bring unexpected grief
• Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting; it’s about freeing yourself
• You can grieve and still move forward
• Small steps matter: journaling, affirmations, boundaries, and honesty
• Your healing story is unfolding, one gentle choice at a time

Take five minutes today. Close your eyes. Place your hand over your heart. Say it out loud:

“I forgive myself for what I did not know.”

Then breathe. That’s where healing begins.